Feelings

After reading my dear friend Tin's most recent blog post, and after answering quite a number of sad-ish questions on my Formspring, I realize that I rarely talk about personal affairs and feelings to anyone at all, not even on this blog. Metaphorically, it seems that I don't want people to see what's inside my soul; I don't want to be read. I wonder if this is because I was brought up this way, or I feel like sharing doesn't help, or I don't like being the subject of pity and concern? Or all three? I don't know.

Usually I describe myself as an extrovert. I like to talk. I've read a post about introversion on my friend Ren's tumblr, which said that introverts think smalltalk is useless. And well... all I ever do is smalltalk. I like to make people comfortable around me. I like to see others smile. In every conversation, I would always want the other to be the focus, and I would listen to his/her story and relate some of my experiences with it instead. And if it were my turn to tell a story, I would always choose trivial, happy matters to tell. Maybe I don't want to make my friend feel uncomfortable or unsure as to how to react. I like ONLY good vibes and happy times when with my friends, then ironically, that's what causes me to become somewhat distant from them.

I may seem all happy and shallow and gullible and dumb most of the time, but that doesn't mean I don't reflect about life and take things the hard way too. I always want to be around people in order to push those problems aside first. I don't want others to feel bad because of MY problems. By the way, I am a non-confrontational person, that's for sure. I always find a way around confronting people and problems head-on. Perhaps I'm being a coward for always running away. But thanks, Aimee, for telling me it's not true. I guess I have my own way of solving problems.

I think I have trust issues. I used to have the tightest circle of friends that was formed back in grade school. We grew up together. We've known each other since we were five. We knew all of each others' secrets. But slowly, one by one, those friends started to replace me with others. Yes, it's been confirmed to be true. One of them told me herself, that last day of exams week in fourth year high school, that she would rather hang out with her other friends, than with our group... right when all I ever did was to try to keep the group together throughout high school. It broke my heart. It really did. So I gave up.

And that's a completely different issue from my love life back then too.

There was only one person in that group who really stuck with me through those years. Thanks, Max. :)

I guess that explains why now, I refrain from 'investing' too much in friendship. "Friends come and go", eh? No, no. Please don't misunderstand. I don't take you for granted. Now I just take it less personally when a friend leaves. I'm still trying to understand myself, really, so please don't judge me because of this post. It's what I'm afraid of the most. And if you're starting to worry about me, here's one promise I will always keep: I'll be okay. :)

Thanks for reading this far. Thanks for caring. Really, truly... Thank you.

Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes...

And I won't be surprised that it's a dreaaaam...

Hello, friends! I HAVE RETURNED.

Summer is getting me burned out. Literally. My arms and feet have the most epic tan lines ever. You should see them. You'd be amazed! Hurr hurr.

Anyway, hellooooo! It's been a while. I'm sorry for making you miss out on my life, since I'm sure you're all terribly interested in everything that I do. Kidding. Urgh, I annoy myself when I'm being sarcastic. Here are some things I should talk about today (but probably not in great detail because you may lose interest uh huh oh yes that's how it goes: an increase in supply = decrease in equilibrium price given equal demandas;ldfjkasl;dfj):

First of all, I have been to... Singapore! The Lion City! The 'fine' city! Where every time you do something wrong, you get fined! Where the only two seasons there are hot and hotter! And the only kinds of food there are also hot and hotter!!! Okay, well, maybe not. :)) Singapore really is a nice place to be with virtually NO pollution! We went all over the city in all kinds of transportation like by private van, by subway, by monorail, by FOOT. My feet died some time within those three days.

There were so many things to see in Singapore! And so much food to eat! Oh, and I finally got my bare feet on to a beach in Sentosa! A REAL beach! With real salty water! (Yes, I just had to taste it.) Then the sky got all dark and thunderstormed on us a little while later but hey, I'm happy enough with wading in knee-high seawater for a few blissful minutes. There was also this amazing fountain show in Sentosa that made me go omgit'ssoawesomeicandiehappynow. It's called Songs of the Sea. It's wonderful and dreamy and magical. If you're going to Singapore, you have to watch it.

Other places we've been to are the Merlion Park (Singlish, 'Muh-lah-yun Pawhk' so we thought it was the Malayan Park), the Night Safari (which was really cool too!), the Singaporean Flyer (giant ferris wheel with a great view from the top!), Orchard Road (nothing special for me. It was just a bunch of malls), Esplanade (a concert hall that looked like twin durians from the outside but they were meant to look like a halved microphone), Gluttons Bay (yummy food), foodcourts (more yummy food!), other malls like the Bugis Junction (our hotel, the Summerview Hotel, was actually quite near there).

My dearest friend Maxine celebrated her birthday five days ago! BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAX!  Note: celebrated. Her birthday was April 24, Easter Sunday. How holy can she get? But she treated us to Banana Leaf last April 30 and it was awesoomeeee! The curry was so good I had to bring home the leftover sauce. And so I did. After lunch we went to buy socks!! So fun!!! =)) No, no, silly. We bought socks to play bowling! And then after bowling, we went to Tom's World, this kiddie arcade with REAL TICKETS! Then we exchanged the tickets for prizes and got Max a super adorable stuffed ducky with the words 'You're so ducky!' written on it! Then after than we went to play ROCK BAND. WHOO. I loved the mic. I sang Poker Face and Just Dance and Bad Romance and it was so embarrassing because my guy friends must now think I'm some sort of trying-hard diva but what the hey! My friend Arnie was a pro at the drums AND the guitar. Just sayin'.

In other news, I have successfully passed my scholarship form along with all the chorva required with it! Actually, I had a bad dream last night that I was rejected for the scholarship. :| That is bad juju right there. But no, I shall never lose hope. :D

Thanks for reading this far! :D I never write coherently anymore, so thanks for bearing with me! I should go take a shower now. Hasta luego!